Biology Class RecordsLab Packet AF-90Name Period 3
Amputated FrogMerch at the shop
Four musicians play in an open carport at night in heavy rain, a singer in black shorts at the microphone, a guitarist in glasses, a bearded bassist and a woman at the drums, banana trees behind them

Biology Class Records · Specimen file

Amputated Frog

The dissection did not go as planned.

Columbus, Ohio / Hilo, Hawaii · 1990–1999

A death metal band. Formed in a high school biology class in 1990. Rehearsed under a house in Hilo, in the rain, against the frogs. Four records. One subject.

Begin the procedureMerch at the shop

Rehearsal, the carport, Hilo. Rain on the roof. Frogs out of frame.

Part A

Objective

Read the passage. Answer in complete sentences.

1. Amputated Frog formed in Columbus, Ohio in the spring of 1990, in a high school biology class. An incident occurred during a laboratory exercise that semester. The archive holds no account of it. The members have not commented.

2. In 1991 the band moved to Hilo, on the Big Island of Hawaii, where vocalist Doug Haverkamp's mother had accepted a transfer. The band rehearsed in the carport of a raised plantation-style house, at night, in the rain, against the coqui frogs. It recorded four records for Biology Class Records. Each one concerned dissection. In 1999 the band disbanded, having exhausted every biological metaphor available at the high school level.

“The dissection did not go as planned.”

— Band statement, J-card of The Lab EP (1991)
The four band members stand in a row in a high school biology classroom, specimen jars on a shelf behind them and a classroom skeleton by the chalkboard
Fig. 1 — A biology classroom, 1993. Not the original room. The band was asked to stand still. It did.

Part B

Specimens

Four specimens. Identify each by number. Do not touch the lava.

Fig. 2 — Specimens, anterior view

The four band members stand with arms crossed on a black lava field under a grey sky, steam rising from the flow behind them
  1. Doug Haverkamp — vocals
  2. Kenji Oshiro — guitar
  3. Marty Kowalczyk — bass
  4. Leilani Kealoha — drums
Puna District, 1994. Promotional photograph for The Anatomy of Disappointment.
A tall long-haired singer in a black T-shirt, cargo shorts and rubber slippers screams into a microphone under a single bulb, rain falling behind him

Specimen 1

Doug Haverkamp

Vocals · 1990–1999

“We have not commented on that.”

Present location: Still lives in Hilo. Still wears rubber slippers. Has not commented.

Specimen 1. Rubber slippers, as recorded.

Specimen 2

Kenji Oshiro

Guitar · 1991–1999

“I was in chemistry that year. I joined for the guitar parts.”

Present location: Teaches chemistry at a high school on the Hamakua Coast. Not biology.

Specimen 3

Marty Kowalczyk

Bass · 1990–1999

“Louder than the frogs. That was the whole plan.”

Present location: Returned to Columbus in 2001. Owns two dehumidifiers.

A drummer with long dark curly hair plays hard on a worn kit in a cluttered carport at night under a bare bulb

Specimen 4

Leilani Kealoha

Drums · 1991–1999

“The frogs start at dusk. So did we.”

Present location: Still plays. Teaches drums on Saturday mornings in the same carport.

Specimen 4. The tempo, set.

Part C

Procedure

Follow each step in order. Note the conditions.

  1. Step 1

    Columbus, Third Period

    Doug Haverkamp and Marty Kowalczyk were lab partners in a tenth-grade biology class on the east side of Columbus, Ohio, in the spring of 1990. A laboratory exercise took place that semester. It did not go as planned.

    The band was formed the same week. Two other students from the class played the first rehearsal and did not return. The archive has asked about the exercise. The school has no record it is willing to share. The members have not commented.

  2. Step 2

    Hilo, 1991

    In the summer of 1991 Doug Haverkamp's mother accepted a transfer to Hilo. Doug went with her. Marty followed in October. He has said only that the rent was lower than he expected.

    Kenji Oshiro answered a note on the board at a music store downtown. He was in chemistry that year, not biology, and asked whether that would be a problem. It was not. Leilani Kealoha came from Keaau. She had played in a school marching band and on Sunday mornings. She auditioned once, set the tempo, and the tempo stayed.

  3. Step 3

    The Carport

    The band rehearsed in the carport under a raised plantation-style house on a side street above downtown. Rehearsals ran from eight to ten at night. It rained at most of them. Hilo receives more than ten feet of rain in an average year.

    The coqui frogs arrived in the neighborhood in 1992. They sing from dusk. The band did not consider moving rehearsal indoors. It considered the frogs a level to reach. Cables rusted. The bass amp was kept on a cooler to stay off the wet slab. Neighbors filed one complaint in eight years. It concerned the frogs.

  4. Step 4

    The Syllabus

    Each record took up a part of the high school biology curriculum. The Lab EP covered the laboratory. Formaldehyde covered preservation. The Anatomy of Disappointment covered dissection and nothing else.

    Advanced Placement Biology was proposed in 1998 as the subject of a fifth record. The band decided against it. We Exhausted High School Biology was released in 1999 and covered what remained, from taxonomy to the unit test. The band disbanded that autumn. No biological metaphor at the high school level was left unused.

The band sits on folding chairs in a carport under a raised house on a rainy afternoon, cables on the floor, an amplifier and a rice cooker on a green cooler
Fig. 3 — The carport by day. The amplifier is on the cooler. The cooler is on the slab.
A small brown coqui frog sits on a wet green leaf at night, a coiled black instrument cable hanging on a branch behind it
Fig. 4 — Coqui, observed at night beside the carport. Alive and well. Not collected.

Control variable: the coqui

Rehearsals were held against a fixed source of noise. The coqui is a small tree frog. It arrived in the neighborhood in 1992 and sings from dusk until early morning. The band did not move indoors.

Coqui, adult male, at half a metre90–100 dB
Amputated Frog, carport, 1992Not measured
ResultInconclusive. Rehearsals continued.

Rainfall, Hilo, average year

126 in.

Ten and a half feet. The carport had no walls.

Part D

Results

Four records. Each one preserved below. Examine one at a time.

  1. BCR-001 · 1991The Lab EPFour songs. Four dissection metaphors.4 tracksExamine the specimen →
  2. BCR-002 · 1993FormaldehydeThe first full-length. Recorded in the carport between rain bands. The coqui are audible on side two.8 tracksExamine the specimen →
  3. BCR-003 · 1994The Anatomy of DisappointmentOnly songs about dissection.9 tracksExamine the specimen →
  4. BCR-004 · 1999We Exhausted High School BiologyThe farewell album. Nothing remained on the syllabus.9 tracksExamine the specimen →

Loose material, unfiled

  • Carport Rehearsal, July 1992 (Coqui Audible)30:47Cassette. One take. The frogs are louder in the second half.
  • Advanced Placement (Four-Track Demo)4:11

Part E

Observations

Record what you saw. Do not record what you were told.

The band plays on a low plywood stage in a community hall with louvered windows and ceiling fans while a crowd in aloha shirts and slippers watches
Fig. 5 — Community hall, Hilo, 1994. The first stop of the Interisland Field Trip. The audience stayed for both sets.

Observation log

1990

The Laboratory Exercise

A high school biology room, Columbus, Ohio

An incident occurred. The archive has no further information.

Full entry

An incident occurred during a laboratory exercise in the spring of 1990. The band was formed the same week. The first record opens with a song about it. The song's words were never printed. The members have not commented, then or since. The archive has stopped asking.

1993

The Noise Complaint

The carport, Hilo, Hawaii

A neighbor called the county about the noise at ten at night. The noise was the frogs.

Full entry

On a weeknight in March 1993 a neighbor called the county about noise on the street. An officer came at ten. The band had finished for the night and was coiling cables. The officer stood in the driveway for several minutes and listened to the coqui. He wrote that the source could not be addressed and left. The band played the report's last line at the start of every show that year.

1994

The Humidity Session

The carport, Hilo, Hawaii

Every cable failed in the same week. The Anatomy of Disappointment was recorded with a dehumidifier running.

Full entry

In February 1994, during a stretch of nineteen wet days, every instrument cable the band owned failed. The connectors had rusted through. Marty Kowalczyk bought a dehumidifier and new cables with the band's savings. The dehumidifier ran for the whole session. It can be heard on track eight, which is named for it.

Clippings

Wet Season (a Hilo fanzine), issue 6 · Summer 1994

Amputated Frog Will Not Discuss It

Ten minutes in the carport with the loudest band on the street

We arrive at eight. It is raining. Leilani Kealoha is already behind the kit.

WS: The new record is about dissection. DOUG: Only dissection. WS: Why? DOUG: We have not commented on that. WS: What about the frogs? LEILANI: The frogs start at dusk. So do we. WS: Who wins? MARTY: It depends on the night.

The interview ends when rehearsal begins. We stay for the second hour. The frogs do not let up.

Alumni newsletter, class notes · Fall 1999

Class Notes: Where Are They Now

Doug H. and Marty K. write from Hilo, Hawaii, that their band has completed its fourth and final album. They report that they have covered the entire biology curriculum. They did not elaborate.

Notes in the margin

  • The Exercise

    The archive receives more inquiries about the spring 1990 laboratory exercise than about any of the records. It has no file. The band's answer has not changed in thirty-six years.

  • The Cooler

    The bass amplifier sat on a green cooler from 1991 to 1999 to keep it off the wet slab. The cooler is in the band photographs. It was not used for anything else.

  • Rubber Slippers

    Doug Haverkamp performed every show from 1991 onward in rubber slippers. They were replaced twice. He has described them as practical.

  • The Pins

    After The Anatomy of Disappointment, listeners began mailing the band dissection pins. Marty kept them in a coffee can in the carport. The can was full by 1997.

  • The Coqui Line

    Every sleeve after 1992 carried the same line in small type: "Coqui audible on this recording. No frogs were collected." The band kept to it.

Part F

Field Trip

One tour. Nine stops. Return the slip by Friday.

Field trip permission slip

My child has permission to attend the following stops of the Interisland Field Trip, 1994.

  1. 01Hilo, HICommunity hall. Louvered windows open.
  2. 02Pahoa, HIOpened late. Vog.
  3. 03Honokaa, HI
  4. 04Waimea, HICold. The band wore long pants.
  5. 05Kailua-Kona, HIDry. The band was uneasy.
  6. 06Kahului, HIFirst show off the Big Island.
  7. 07Lihue, HI
  8. 08Honolulu, HI
  9. 09Columbus, OHThe only mainland date. Several teachers attended.
Parent or guardian Date

Part G

Grading

Graded by listeners. Red pen only.

  1. A

    Question 1. Describe the band.

    I teach tenth-grade biology. I checked The Anatomy of Disappointment against the lab manual. It is accurate.

    — R. Nakasone, science teacher, Hilo, HI

  2. A−

    Question 2. Describe the band.

    Louder than the frogs on our street, most nights. Not every night.

    — A neighbor, Hilo, HI

  3. A

    Question 3. Describe the band.

    We Exhausted High School Biology covers the whole course. I played it the night before my final and passed.

    — M. Akana, Kailua-Kona, HI

Extra credit

Shirts, posters and the specimen-jar pin are printed to order at the Sideband Label shop. Join the class list there for new material from the archive.

Go to the shop

Printed on demand. No specimens are included.